I know it's been a long time...

I know that it has been forever since I've had a chance to lay it all out. So here I am tonight pouring it all out to you, hoping that my heart heals sooner rather than later...

There are no words to describe just how difficult it is to raise a child who has ADHD, along with a combination of other disabilities. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would ever have children, then actually be blessed with them, and then deal with all of the heartache that comes along with raising them..

I have learned that there comes a time in my life that I have no choice other than to let my guard down and ask someone for the four letter magical word...H...E...L...P. How on earth did I allow myself to endure all of this stress...But then the answer is simple, I love my son. I love him when he screams at me because I didn't buy the right brand of hotdogs, I love him even when hits me, I love him even when he disapears and thinks he has done anything wrong by worrying me to death...I love him because that is what GOD has instilled in my heart. Forgiveness, not only for my son, but for myself as well.

I read that today, and it was as though he was reading the book to me because I can hear his voice in everyword I saw...I know I have done the right thing when he is putting his arms around me through his words....Thank you dear LORD for your kindness and forgivness..

Where life takes us...

When I was a high school student, I remember having a project where we had to describe our future...I remember I had three kids, a husband, and an awesome carreer...I think I was a news reporter....LOL That was back when I was like 17 years old. Now here I am 32 years old and my life is nothing like I thought it was going to be.

I thought I met the love of my life years ago, only to find out that he didn't feel that way for me after having two beautiful children, hince...we divorced..That was one of the hardest things I have ever been through, but Everyday weither I say it out loud or not I'm thankful because that road lead me to Shawn and his children..

I am sooo in love with this man for everything he is, good and the not so good...LOL. We have been through so much together between our families, kids, and ourselves we are stronger as a couple than we ever have been before. Thank you Lord for giving me this wonderful life filled with love and happiness, and giving me a wonderful family and a safe loving enviorment to raise our children.

I am thankful Lord for my close family and friends who are my family because they help me get through all the tough times and give me positive direction which you have instilled in them to lead me in the right direction. I hope everyone really knows that everything happens in their life because there is a lesson to learn and something stronger to to gain having gone through it.

Where do I find my insperation for life...

Today, like any other day, the morning started off well. As I woke up I could hear the sounds of my children playing and talking, I could hear Shawn getting ready for work..I can hear the clanking sound the fan on the ceiling above my head...And today I really had to fight myself to get out of bed. Not because I was tired, but because I just didn't want to face the day and what it could bring.

It started off well. I was up doing my thing, cleaning house, washing laundry, etc...Then after a while I realized that my son still had not taken his medacation. He has ADHD. Everytime I think about it I just want to cry. It seriously brings tears to my eyes because everyday is a battle. It's a battle for him to get through the day, it's a battle for me to get him through the day, and we do nothing but battle each other. When is this going to stop..how do I deal with the fact that I feel like I am failing as a mother.

I do more yelling than talking it seems, and even when I do attempt to just talk him through whatever the problem is at the time, it doesn't seem to make a difference. I feel like we are in a lose lose situation. Where do I find the insperation to be as strong as I need to be to show my son that life is not about yelling and screaming, that there are beautiful things to look forward to. A promise of a future where he can be himself with no judgement passed upon him because he had ADHD.

I am doing the best I can to help him in every way that I can, but at the same time I get so tired of feeling like I am the bad parent. I have three other children in my house who also see what is going on and who also need to know that what happens isn't always the best for everyone involved. But how do they understand that with out feeling bad. Sometimes I don't even understand it. Well I can't control life's twists, turns and curves, but something has got to give.

We can't keep on going like this....

I love my son, and I love my family and I am praying for a mircle to help us get through this tough time.

Thanks for listening...

Why do we do selfish things..

Sometimes I often wonder, just as my kids do, why did I just say that or do that. It's not what I really meant to say or do, but yet I did it anyway.

I was so excited about having Sat night to ourselves, a day early to celebrate Valentine's Day which is our 5th year of celebrating our life together. I had it all played out in my head. A nice romantic dinner, maybe a movie or maybe a little dancing, then off to home to relax, go to bed.....sleep in, wake up snuggle, or and of course some sort of present showing me that he is just as excited and happy as I am.

Did it go that way.......nope! It sure didn't.

We took the kids out to breakfast, which we drove to separately, then went to a store which sells pool tables and such. We did spend a little more time there than we thought we would. I assumed since he had time to play around in a pool table store he was all prepared for our special night...

Dinner was awesome, nice, romantic, candle light, and great food. What did we do after noting much. Made it home, to bed.....slept in, and snuggled. But for some reason I woke up feeling disappointed that nothing more happened, no gifts were exchanged. And the more I thought about it, the more upset I got. In fact at that point I was no longer upset, but angry. I just couldn't understand how he couldn't make time to at least pick up a card!

He kept asking me all morning what I was upset about, I kept telling him the classic phrase "NOTHING, I'M FINE". By the afternoon I did attempt to ask him about it, what I was expecting and I received no response, or rather not the one I wanted.

So then after our friends left from watching NASCAR, he could no longer hold it in that I had no right to be upset that he had been working day and night for how many days now...at that moment I felt so stupid. Am I really that selfish that I needed more than time with him to know that we love each other???? It was horrible we spent the whole night yelling at each other, crying, and not talking. I am sooo mad at myself for not communicating with him as I should have.

I think we are back to our normal common ground now....thank goodness for that. Thanks you Lord for guiding me through this one. I really needed that. So my advice to all women who think they NEED to have a gift to prove that their husband, boyfriend, or partner love them, they are mistaken...it's the little simple things that he does for me that I take for granted. He works hard to provide our family with a beautiful home, and a comfortable life style for us to raise our children whom receive just about anything their hearts desire..I love you Shawn, for all that you are and all that you do!

Seriously...I can't believe I let the commercial standards get to me...We all lean lessons everyday!


Beth

I was right....LOL..

Shawn came right home and passed out on the couch, (instead of the chair ) undressed! He is sooo lucky that the kids weren't the ones who greeted him..LOL

The Things I have to Put Up with.....

Seriously, how old do we have to be to realize that drinking yourself to the point of not being able to drive home safely, make it to bed, or drinking so much that it is affecting your health that is already in poor shape...??? I love Shawn, but how he behaves is just selfish.. Actually, how he behaves most of the time is just plain selfish..

Everyweek weither we have just my kids or all of our kids, I am always the one making sure they have what they need when they need it! Sometimes I tend to wonder where his brain is. It's like he doesn't care what the out come could be. He gets up every morning at 540am, as do I and expects that I must cook him a full breakfast. If I choose to sleep in an extra 20 minutes, he will actually leave with out even saying goodbye!!! Why is it that he can't do things for himself to make things easier for me.

I take care of kids all day, clean our home, (which by the way he NEVER does), I mow the yard in the summer and shovel the snow in the winter... Our children now are old enough to notice that MOM does EVERYTHING.. and Dad does nothing at home. Infact tonight my son's tells me why should he have to pick up after himself when Dad doesn't have too!!!! UGH>>> What am I to say???

Yes I am venting and at the end of the day Shawn is who he is, and I am who I am and we love each other, but wouldn't be nice if just once he would help out with something????

I hope you all have a great night!

Costly entertainment.....from kids

Hello Everyone! Welcome to my blog...

I'm just going to dive right in...

I am a 32 year old mom and step mom of four kids total. With a husband ofcourse, and I run a daycare out of my home! I use to say that all of these kids were cheap entertainment, but really their entertainment costs their parents lots of money!!!

Here is a good example, one of my daycare kids decided to walk around her house with a plastic bag and collect all the toys they she and her siblings don't play with, when her mother asked her what she was doing, she said she was going to have a garage sale when the weather gets warmer.

Hmmm wonder what she will do witht he moeny!!LOL She said and I quote "I need to sell all of these toys so I can save enough money to buy a house so I can have my own bedroom that is connected to my own bathroom so I don't have to share my stuff anymore"

When I told her how many garage sales she would have to have, she simply laughed at me and said she didn't care, she would have as many garage sales as it takes to have her own bathroom! I couldn't stop laughing.....

I could sit here all day long and tell you all about these kids.. but really it's lunch time and I have to feed them and put them down for nap. I hope everyone has a good laugh today. And remember you can always get a freash start tomorrow no matter what happens today!