Where do I find my insperation for life...

Today, like any other day, the morning started off well. As I woke up I could hear the sounds of my children playing and talking, I could hear Shawn getting ready for work..I can hear the clanking sound the fan on the ceiling above my head...And today I really had to fight myself to get out of bed. Not because I was tired, but because I just didn't want to face the day and what it could bring.

It started off well. I was up doing my thing, cleaning house, washing laundry, etc...Then after a while I realized that my son still had not taken his medacation. He has ADHD. Everytime I think about it I just want to cry. It seriously brings tears to my eyes because everyday is a battle. It's a battle for him to get through the day, it's a battle for me to get him through the day, and we do nothing but battle each other. When is this going to stop..how do I deal with the fact that I feel like I am failing as a mother.

I do more yelling than talking it seems, and even when I do attempt to just talk him through whatever the problem is at the time, it doesn't seem to make a difference. I feel like we are in a lose lose situation. Where do I find the insperation to be as strong as I need to be to show my son that life is not about yelling and screaming, that there are beautiful things to look forward to. A promise of a future where he can be himself with no judgement passed upon him because he had ADHD.

I am doing the best I can to help him in every way that I can, but at the same time I get so tired of feeling like I am the bad parent. I have three other children in my house who also see what is going on and who also need to know that what happens isn't always the best for everyone involved. But how do they understand that with out feeling bad. Sometimes I don't even understand it. Well I can't control life's twists, turns and curves, but something has got to give.

We can't keep on going like this....

I love my son, and I love my family and I am praying for a mircle to help us get through this tough time.

Thanks for listening...